Tuesday, July 22, 2008

We have TWO butt gasket bandits!

I was sort of glad to have caught the one last week, but on Friday, I caught a 2nd one. God. Both women have kids. And homes. And husbands. And the 2nd one, even has a cook, so I presume she thinks that someone should just pick up after her.

Wrong idea, sistah!

Anyway, with some input from some nice people who left comments, I'm doing the following: I've created a funny checklist, which I'm going to hang up in each stall. It's printed and all official, and not hand-written (since my hand-writing sucks). And this way, if someone gets pissy and tries to take them down, I'm just a button click away from printing 1 more for each stall.

I tried to be realistic, cover ALL the bases and still have a sense of humor about it, so that it can be fun to learn. Jeez. Now if that doesn't work, the founder's admin is going to help me out and the both of us are going to go talk to both of these butt gasket bandits.

Here's the note, in case someone else needs a copy for their own work-place bathrooms (note: here at work, they hang up official notices in the bathrooms called "Testing on the Toilet". Since I'm not interested in working while I'm taking care of bizness, I pretty much ignore them. But I lifted the title for my own signage):

TESTING ON THE TOILET
Before you walk out of the stall, do the following:

1) IF the toilet an Auto-flush toilet, did it flush?
IF YES
good, proceed to step 2
ELSE
push the button and flush it
IF NO
surely you remember how to flush a normal toilet. do it.

2) Did everything get flushed?
IF YES
good, proceed to step 3
ELSE
go back to step 1

3) Is your seat liner still on the toilet seat?
IF YES
for God's sake, push it into the toilet bowl and go back to step 1
ELSE
good, proceed to step 4

4) One last check of the seat, did you leave any drops of "bodily fluids" behind?
IF YES
Does your Mother work here?
IF YES
don't burden your Mother! you're old enough to clean up after yourself
ELSE
wipe off the seat
IF NO
Do you see a full-time attendant in the bathroom who'll clean up after you?
IF YES
clearly, you're lost and in the wrong building
ELSE
wipe off the seat
ELSE
all of the women of 1055 Joaquin thank you - you may now exit

4 comments:

Daniel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Daniel said...

Brilliant..the only thing I would ad is an illustration of Devo wearing the "Gasket" discussing the merits of Testing on the Toilet ;)

caitoceallaigh.com said...

That's too long. No one's going to read the much, unless they have to take a big crap.

Holly Roberts said...

I'm happy to report that it's worked. I know, the note is long as hell, but the first few days women were just buzzing with "did you see that note in the bathroom? hilarious!!!". I didn't own up to it, but the note is still up, and the bathroom nastiness has subsided.
Go figure.