The final nail in the coffin...

I'm moving next week. And after today, it's one of those things where I have no doubt that I am making the right decision.

I was scheduled for a pre move-out inspection at 4 p.m. today. I needed to be home for it, so I busted my ass to get out of work at 2, so I could go ride and be home by 4. FAIL. I wasn't able to leave work till 3. I can do the ride later. Well, the wind is crap and my allergies are bugging me, so indoors it is.

However, it's 4:32, and still nobody has shown up for a "move out inspection". I just called the office and they are "sending someone over". I came home for this? Not that I'm not glad I'm here and not at work, but this is a bunch of hogwash.

Let me go down the list:

- My appliances are about as old as God.
- The refrigerator randomly freezes things - haven't been able to put eggs in the egg holders in the door since I moved in (last May). It's only stuff on the top shelf of the refrigerator too. Everything else is happy and unfrozen.
- The pipes have started knocking in the walls, bad. Whenever my upstairs neighbor flushes his toilet or runs water in the bathroom, knock, knock, clunk, clunk. For like 5 minutes after he shuts the water off. When I mentioned it to the office, "Oh that's normal.". Uh, not in the real world it's not.
- The washing machine is so rough on my clothes that 2 of my favorite tank tops are FULL of holes and in tatters. They were fine when I moved in last May...
- There seems to be a severe allergy to picking up your dog's crap around here. Good thing I get allergy shots.
- Speaking of dogs, everyone has dogs (plural, most have 2). And everyone's dogs bark. It sounds like a kennel around here. My dog is quiet, and all the barking prevents her from getting her 18 hours of beauty sleep each day, and prevents me from working at home. Especially when the gardeners come with the leaf blowers.
- Speaking of which, the gardeners with their arsenal of leaf blowers haven't been here to mow or blow leaves around for like 3 weeks. Maybe the bill didn't get paid?
- There are small gangs of pre-teenage boys everywhere, on skateboards. In the parking lots. Umm, isn't that the equivalent of "go play in traffic"?
- I have a leak in my apartment. And not just any leak. A foundation leak. Awesome. I found this out during the recent wet weather when the carpeting was really damp around my BR window and I hunted around looking for the leak, and was unable to find it, other than it was coming up from the floor. The office's solution? They came in and shampooed my carpet. Yeah, that'll fix a leak every time. When I explained that I think I found the source, I was told, "Oh, experts have looked at this. They know what they're doing.". Yeah, been told THAT ONE before and didn't believe it. I don't believe it this time either, but I don't give a crap, because I'm moving out.
- My guests never are able to find a place to park anymore. Why? Because everyone has 2 or 3 cars, and we are allotted ONE parking spot.
- Speaking of multiple cars... I just found out that the management actually allows 2 adults and THREE children to live (max occupancy) in each 2 BR 1 BA apartment home. Are you kidding me? That's the same one I've been living in, alone, for the last year. If I had to share a bathroom with another adult and 3 kids, there would be an unhappy ending.

It's 4:55 and the guy just left (at least he's nice and was honest, or at least I think he's honest. He's always been a cool guy...). He came at 4:40. The office told me my inspection was at 4:00. They told him: 4:30. UGGGHH!!!

End of rant. I can't wait to move next week...

I have a knot in my ass

The title sounds much more salacious than the actual fact: I have a knot in my gluteus something-us. But boy, does it hurt.

What hurts worse than having a knot, in a muscle, in your ass (the largest muscle in our body - umm, I think)? Sitting on a tennis ball to get that knot to release.

Sweet Jesus, that hurts. I have tears in my eyes as I write this...

Today, my life sucks. Clearly, I have a case of the Muuuuundays.

Beware - there was another sale on crazy pants*...

* Many, many thanks to Megan Guarnier for coining this phrase. I swear that it's the only way to think to keep things in perspective with so many asshats out there "acting out".

Last night, one of my friends and I went for a ride. It was a lovely night. Warm, sunny, a bit windy, but felt really good to be out. As we were riding across Arastradero, we heard a car honk behind us. In the process of moving over, the car pulls up next to us, and proceeds to "lecture" us about taking up too much space. Honestly, I didn't hear a lot of the conversation, as my teammate was actually in between us, but I heard something about "in the middle of the road" and "dangerous" and "holding up all these cars behind me". I yelled, "No, YOU'RE holding up all the cars behind you by being trying to educate us and driving in the middle of the road on a winding road with a crapload of blind corners!" At which point more words were exchanged (my blood was boiling and I heard very little), except the final, "What if I were to put you in the ditch?". WHAT? Are you effing kidding me? We BOTH yelled at him, "GO AHEAD! I'll call 911 right now and you have a TON of witnesses behind you! GO AHEAD!". My teammate said something about "you can buy my next education, and I think I want to go to LAW SCHOOL!". The guy even had the nerve to tell us that he was a cyclist. My ass he was a cyclist. I've never been so angry at a cyclist that I would threaten to "put them in the ditch", even in jest. I guess when you get really old, as this guy was, you feel the need to spread your "many years of wisdom around". Yeah pal, you can kiss my butt.

We got through most of the rest of the ride, but I was still pretty mad. In Redwood City, we had a SECOND encounter. This time it was with a fat, middle-aged woman. We were riding side-by-side on a deserted street when we heard a car. My teammate rode ahead and over into the bike lane, but we had to go around a car parked in the bike lane. Unfortunately, fat-ass decides to pass us at the same time, on a slight hill, with a pretty big blind spot - the down hill (and subsequent stop sign) at the bottom of it, which was pretty close to where we were. As I was cresting the hill I heard the screech of brakes and saw that the woman nearly went through the intersection! I kind of chuckled, thinking that she wasn't paying attention or something, because let's face it: 99% of CA drivers cannot be bothered to drive AND pay attention. But that was only part of it. Naturally, it was OUR FAULT she almost ran the stopsign. Again, I missed the bulk of the exchange because I was further back, but the woman made sure to slow up enough so that I could hear it too (I was honestly trying to stay the hell away from her when I realized she was serious). But I clearly heard: "This is why you guys are always getting killed. Riding in the middle of the road and blah blah blah." I was too stunned to even say anything. We weren't "in the middle of the road".

This is what makes me want to get a camera for my bike. It's been awhile since anything like this has happened to me, but it's so rare to encounter such rude, vile people. I'm still pretty upset about it today. In both cases, it was completely and utterly unnecessary. Sort of makes you wonder WHY someone would be so pissed off and so miserable with themselves that they felt they needed to pick on random strangers to make themselves feel better.

People, don't fall for the crazy pants sale! They're not worth it!!! And if you get the chance to get someone like this out of their car? Yank their crazy pants off!

The best T-shirt - ever

My officemate is pregnant. She wore this shirt last week and I thought it was the funniest thing I'd seen in a long time!

Well, when she wore it again today, I just HAD to have a picture!

Awesomeness...

Douchebag!

A powerful word. I rarely get to use it though. It's just so rare when someone does something so lame that you think, "Wow, what a douchebag!". Well, today was that day. Want to know what a douchebag looks like? I could, of course, post his picture. But that might be bad. Instead, I'll post what he did...

We have teensy parking places at work. That's why I always park on the street. Best to be safe and not get my car dinged up. Today, I got back from lunch to find an email that had been sent to everyone in our building. "To the owner of the green VW bug who tried to park so that nobody would park next to you. Well, it didn't work. If you leave before I do, please come and see me, as I'll probably have to move my car." It was actually said in a normal email tone. Nothing sinister. Till I looked out my window.

Sweet Jesus! It, of course, looked a little different from upstairs. In fact, I had incorrectly estimated the distance between cars to be roughly 1/4 inch. I'm not quite sure it was that. I know that I couldn't get my finger between the two cars (I tried, see below).

Now, I'm looking at the VW. Yeah, it's parked on the line. BFD. It's not like we're a driving shop, for crissakes. And deal with it, douchebag. People just don't give a shit about taking the time to park their car in the morning. I'm just wondering how long it took this guy to park THAT effing close to make some type of point. Talk about a Jurrassic Jackass... Then, to email the entire building about it. "Hi, I'm an angry douchebag. Oh wait, that's MISTER douchebag to you.". Then the guy changes his IM status to: "people need to l2park". Uhhh... Wait a minute... Part of me wanted to reply to his email with the picture above and say, "That's not a very nice thing to do!", but clearly the guy has some anger issues he needs to work out!

Anyway, the owner of the VW opted not to move or contact the guy. And he ended up stewing all day and moved his car on his own.

Jeesh...

The Red Stapler...

I'm actually afraid to say this out loud. I like someone. Really LIKE him. We met about a month ago. The more I'm around him, the more I WANT to be around him, and when I'm away from him, I MISS him. I haven't felt like this in a very, very, very long time!

Last night, we had a date. Dinner and a movie. We watched "Office Space". Holy crap, I forgot how funny that movie is! Today, we were IM'ing, and I said, "Gosh, I really want a red stapler!". He said, "Me too!".

That's when I knew just how MUCH I liked him. I found myself driving to OfficeMax at lunch to buy a red stapler. I'm going to see him Saturday, and Valentine's Day is always an awkward holiday when you're just starting to date. What better way to break the ice than with a red stapler?
Perfect...

Since when does the phrase "kick it" make headlines?

Apparently when it comes out of the mouth of a young, COOL President. I've been cracking up today at CNN and the "crazy" things our new President is saying.

It's about freaking time the stodgy OLD GUYS got out of office. Breathe some life into politics, for crying out loud!

I'm just wondering if CNN altered or adjusted the crowd noise at the inauguration this morning. Because when Bush Sr and ESPECIALLY GW Bush were announced, I swear to God that you could hear crickets. I know I was unhappy with the both of them, and I've been fond of my saying, "Whenever there's a Bush in the White House, we go to war...", and I guess I knew just HOW unhappy the country is with him, but that was really sobering this morning.

Crazy.