Tuesday, July 22, 2008

We have TWO butt gasket bandits!

I was sort of glad to have caught the one last week, but on Friday, I caught a 2nd one. God. Both women have kids. And homes. And husbands. And the 2nd one, even has a cook, so I presume she thinks that someone should just pick up after her.

Wrong idea, sistah!

Anyway, with some input from some nice people who left comments, I'm doing the following: I've created a funny checklist, which I'm going to hang up in each stall. It's printed and all official, and not hand-written (since my hand-writing sucks). And this way, if someone gets pissy and tries to take them down, I'm just a button click away from printing 1 more for each stall.

I tried to be realistic, cover ALL the bases and still have a sense of humor about it, so that it can be fun to learn. Jeez. Now if that doesn't work, the founder's admin is going to help me out and the both of us are going to go talk to both of these butt gasket bandits.

Here's the note, in case someone else needs a copy for their own work-place bathrooms (note: here at work, they hang up official notices in the bathrooms called "Testing on the Toilet". Since I'm not interested in working while I'm taking care of bizness, I pretty much ignore them. But I lifted the title for my own signage):

Before you walk out of the stall, do the following:

1) IF the toilet an Auto-flush toilet, did it flush?
good, proceed to step 2
push the button and flush it
surely you remember how to flush a normal toilet. do it.

2) Did everything get flushed?
good, proceed to step 3
go back to step 1

3) Is your seat liner still on the toilet seat?
for God's sake, push it into the toilet bowl and go back to step 1
good, proceed to step 4

4) One last check of the seat, did you leave any drops of "bodily fluids" behind?
Does your Mother work here?
don't burden your Mother! you're old enough to clean up after yourself
wipe off the seat
Do you see a full-time attendant in the bathroom who'll clean up after you?
clearly, you're lost and in the wrong building
wipe off the seat
all of the women of 1055 Joaquin thank you - you may now exit

Monday, July 14, 2008

Busted! But now what?

For the past few months, some twit at work (or maybe I should say twat? It's more fitting...) has been leaving seat liners (aka: butt gaskets) on the toilet seats. Not making sure the auto flush toilet flushes all their junk away. And the lamest infraction: walking away from the handicapped stall leaving both the butt gasket AND their junk behind. Hi, the handicapped stall is the ONE toilet in our bathroom without a heated seat, or the auto-flush. And I really thought I worked with smart people. I guess smart does not translate to: neat or tidy or un-lazy.

Anyway, I've been DYING to catch this woman. DYING. Curiosity has been killing me and I've made so many trips to the bathroom, just hoping to catch this twit. Alas, she has always eluded me.

This afternoon, I rolled up into the bathroom to find TWO stalls, already occupied with the used butt gaskets on the seats. NASTY! I'd lost all hope. However, when I decided to use the bathroom later this evening before heading home. Someone was in the far right stall. Nobody in the other 4, and no used seat liners. So I used my favorite stall and noticed that the other person waited till the toilet flushed, then washed their hands. In the middle of washing their hands, I was done and walked out of the stall. I didn't really make eye contact with her, but as I was reaching for the paper towel after she'd already walked out the door, there it was! The used butt gasket left behind. UGH, not only did the b*tch leave it behind, but she left a smear of blood on it. That's so revolting, I just can't even believe it. And the offender? OMG, someone I'd never imagined! She's an engineer! She's got 2 kids! And a husband! And probably the most disgusting house in Silicon Valley. Jesus. Bleah, bleah, bleah, bleah, bleah! I'm just grateful that I never have to work on projects with her, but Christ.

Now what do I do? Do I confront her and bust her out? Do I start leaving butt gaskets on her chair? Do I send out a company-wide email (jk)? I can tell you one thing: I'm going to think twice about touching any surface without a paper towel or tissue in hand while at work. Even though she DID wash her hands, that's really, really disgusting...

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Johan Bruyneel

Came to work yesterday to give a book talk. I bought the book on Monday night so he'd have something to sign, and started reading it yesterday morning...

The talk was interesting. Inspiring, actually. He's very real, very funny and as all team directors have interesting stories, he certainly has his share. We all got to ask him questions, which was the bulk of the talk, and I was really impressed to see him wearing his LiveStrong band. I have always worn mine, and even though folks sometimes give me grief about it, I still feel very strongly about it's message (it's my good-luck charm).

Some of the people at the talk yesterday clearly weren't cycling fanatics. Someone asked him if they'd known that Astana would not be invited to the Tour de France, would they have had different goals for the Tour of Italy (Giro). I had to bite my lip. I think winning the Giro with not much notice was pretty spectacular, but that's just me.

This has been a most excellent week. The Tour has been fun. I found a link to the Vaughter's f-bomb incident here. I've had stellar training rides (crushing 6 of my 8 peak power records), even in the heat, and I got to meet Johan Bruyneel. I even got this most excellent souvenir:

Monday, July 7, 2008

I never thought I'd love a badger...

Until today...

Damn! I was watching today's stage LIVE this morning and I almost dropped my cup of coffee! The protester was a total surprise, but I had NO idea Bernard Hinault could still move so fast.

That made my entire week...