I have a knot in my ass

The title sounds much more salacious than the actual fact: I have a knot in my gluteus something-us. But boy, does it hurt.

What hurts worse than having a knot, in a muscle, in your ass (the largest muscle in our body - umm, I think)? Sitting on a tennis ball to get that knot to release.

Sweet Jesus, that hurts. I have tears in my eyes as I write this...

Today, my life sucks. Clearly, I have a case of the Muuuuundays.

Beware - there was another sale on crazy pants*...

* Many, many thanks to Megan Guarnier for coining this phrase. I swear that it's the only way to think to keep things in perspective with so many asshats out there "acting out".

Last night, one of my friends and I went for a ride. It was a lovely night. Warm, sunny, a bit windy, but felt really good to be out. As we were riding across Arastradero, we heard a car honk behind us. In the process of moving over, the car pulls up next to us, and proceeds to "lecture" us about taking up too much space. Honestly, I didn't hear a lot of the conversation, as my teammate was actually in between us, but I heard something about "in the middle of the road" and "dangerous" and "holding up all these cars behind me". I yelled, "No, YOU'RE holding up all the cars behind you by being trying to educate us and driving in the middle of the road on a winding road with a crapload of blind corners!" At which point more words were exchanged (my blood was boiling and I heard very little), except the final, "What if I were to put you in the ditch?". WHAT? Are you effing kidding me? We BOTH yelled at him, "GO AHEAD! I'll call 911 right now and you have a TON of witnesses behind you! GO AHEAD!". My teammate said something about "you can buy my next education, and I think I want to go to LAW SCHOOL!". The guy even had the nerve to tell us that he was a cyclist. My ass he was a cyclist. I've never been so angry at a cyclist that I would threaten to "put them in the ditch", even in jest. I guess when you get really old, as this guy was, you feel the need to spread your "many years of wisdom around". Yeah pal, you can kiss my butt.

We got through most of the rest of the ride, but I was still pretty mad. In Redwood City, we had a SECOND encounter. This time it was with a fat, middle-aged woman. We were riding side-by-side on a deserted street when we heard a car. My teammate rode ahead and over into the bike lane, but we had to go around a car parked in the bike lane. Unfortunately, fat-ass decides to pass us at the same time, on a slight hill, with a pretty big blind spot - the down hill (and subsequent stop sign) at the bottom of it, which was pretty close to where we were. As I was cresting the hill I heard the screech of brakes and saw that the woman nearly went through the intersection! I kind of chuckled, thinking that she wasn't paying attention or something, because let's face it: 99% of CA drivers cannot be bothered to drive AND pay attention. But that was only part of it. Naturally, it was OUR FAULT she almost ran the stopsign. Again, I missed the bulk of the exchange because I was further back, but the woman made sure to slow up enough so that I could hear it too (I was honestly trying to stay the hell away from her when I realized she was serious). But I clearly heard: "This is why you guys are always getting killed. Riding in the middle of the road and blah blah blah." I was too stunned to even say anything. We weren't "in the middle of the road".

This is what makes me want to get a camera for my bike. It's been awhile since anything like this has happened to me, but it's so rare to encounter such rude, vile people. I'm still pretty upset about it today. In both cases, it was completely and utterly unnecessary. Sort of makes you wonder WHY someone would be so pissed off and so miserable with themselves that they felt they needed to pick on random strangers to make themselves feel better.

People, don't fall for the crazy pants sale! They're not worth it!!! And if you get the chance to get someone like this out of their car? Yank their crazy pants off!

The best T-shirt - ever

My officemate is pregnant. She wore this shirt last week and I thought it was the funniest thing I'd seen in a long time!

Well, when she wore it again today, I just HAD to have a picture!

Awesomeness...

Douchebag!

A powerful word. I rarely get to use it though. It's just so rare when someone does something so lame that you think, "Wow, what a douchebag!". Well, today was that day. Want to know what a douchebag looks like? I could, of course, post his picture. But that might be bad. Instead, I'll post what he did...

We have teensy parking places at work. That's why I always park on the street. Best to be safe and not get my car dinged up. Today, I got back from lunch to find an email that had been sent to everyone in our building. "To the owner of the green VW bug who tried to park so that nobody would park next to you. Well, it didn't work. If you leave before I do, please come and see me, as I'll probably have to move my car." It was actually said in a normal email tone. Nothing sinister. Till I looked out my window.

Sweet Jesus! It, of course, looked a little different from upstairs. In fact, I had incorrectly estimated the distance between cars to be roughly 1/4 inch. I'm not quite sure it was that. I know that I couldn't get my finger between the two cars (I tried, see below).

Now, I'm looking at the VW. Yeah, it's parked on the line. BFD. It's not like we're a driving shop, for crissakes. And deal with it, douchebag. People just don't give a shit about taking the time to park their car in the morning. I'm just wondering how long it took this guy to park THAT effing close to make some type of point. Talk about a Jurrassic Jackass... Then, to email the entire building about it. "Hi, I'm an angry douchebag. Oh wait, that's MISTER douchebag to you.". Then the guy changes his IM status to: "people need to l2park". Uhhh... Wait a minute... Part of me wanted to reply to his email with the picture above and say, "That's not a very nice thing to do!", but clearly the guy has some anger issues he needs to work out!

Anyway, the owner of the VW opted not to move or contact the guy. And he ended up stewing all day and moved his car on his own.

Jeesh...

The Red Stapler...

I'm actually afraid to say this out loud. I like someone. Really LIKE him. We met about a month ago. The more I'm around him, the more I WANT to be around him, and when I'm away from him, I MISS him. I haven't felt like this in a very, very, very long time!

Last night, we had a date. Dinner and a movie. We watched "Office Space". Holy crap, I forgot how funny that movie is! Today, we were IM'ing, and I said, "Gosh, I really want a red stapler!". He said, "Me too!".

That's when I knew just how MUCH I liked him. I found myself driving to OfficeMax at lunch to buy a red stapler. I'm going to see him Saturday, and Valentine's Day is always an awkward holiday when you're just starting to date. What better way to break the ice than with a red stapler?
Perfect...

Since when does the phrase "kick it" make headlines?

Apparently when it comes out of the mouth of a young, COOL President. I've been cracking up today at CNN and the "crazy" things our new President is saying.

It's about freaking time the stodgy OLD GUYS got out of office. Breathe some life into politics, for crying out loud!

I'm just wondering if CNN altered or adjusted the crowd noise at the inauguration this morning. Because when Bush Sr and ESPECIALLY GW Bush were announced, I swear to God that you could hear crickets. I know I was unhappy with the both of them, and I've been fond of my saying, "Whenever there's a Bush in the White House, we go to war...", and I guess I knew just HOW unhappy the country is with him, but that was really sobering this morning.

Crazy.

Lost pictures from 2008

My April Fool's Day joke at work (before):


After:

Whenever I saw the original, I always thought it said, "Mother Goose". Took some folks awhile to "get it", but when they did, it was pretty funny. The sign remained until the fake S wore off, just a few months ago.


My fake "bobcat scratching". I told people for weeks that a Bobcat scratched me when I was mountain biking. :o) In reality: my bike fell over when I was standing on the side of the trail eating and my chain ring slashed my leg. It bled really good...

The "sleeping squirrel". You decide. Asleep? Crawled up under the car tire and died? Or was ran over and killed? I won't release the name of the person who's tire this is (to protect the innocent), but it was hilarious! Look at it - poor little squirrel...


The ugliest birds on the planet... They are called "Turkey Geese". Someone didn't bother hitting them with an ugly stick - they used the whole forest. These were pointed out to me at Christmas when I was in Texas. They have that weird red "waddle" or whatever its called that turkeys have on their beaks, and the black and white feathers. But they seem to have mates, so I guess there really IS someone for everyone...


Too bad this one isn't clearer, but I can't retake the picture, because I've already thrown it away. I'm including it as a lost 2008 picture because it was actually PURCHASED in 2008. Okay, so I didn't find it till yesterday, so technically it's 2009. But not. It took me awhile to figure out what it was, so I made sure to take a picture of the label:

Honestly, I thought it was a walnut. But it was curiously sparkly, like it was crystallized. I was scratching my head and then I saw the label. A cutie (tangerine). I bought a boatload of those last year. May, to be exact. I had a bona-fide science project fossilizing in the vegetable drawer of my refrigerator. BLEAH!!!

I'm glad it's 2009...